Going Too Far

 In Motivation

I grew up in church with a very loving home, my family were all Christians but by the age of 16, I became very rebellious. I started to spend time with the wrong crowd and ended up running away from home. I dropped out of high school and was in and out of juvenile jails. Back then I thought I was having fun because I was the party girl and there was no harm in it. I drank alcohol for the first time at 16, smoked pot at 17, and partied with cocaine and ecstasy. I told myself it was a party and I could stop anytime.

I met a Guy

By 20 years old I met a guy that I thought was prince charming and moved in with him shortly after meeting. He ended up being very abusive and at one point pulled a gun on me. I couldn’t find the courage to leave so I stayed, and the beatings got worse. Somewhere along the way, a Dr. prescribed me Lortabs and boy did they help me. I realized I could take pills and escape from all my problems; I was numb and nothing could hurt me. By 22 I was completely addicted to opioids and any pain pill that could help me escape. I ended up staying with the man that was abusing me physically, sexually, and emotionally. We had kids together, so I always told myself I couldn’t leave him.

Just like that, he was gone

God removed him from my life on May 17, 2011, when he finally was put in prison. I was completely shattered and as much as I hated him for what he did to me, I was angry he was gone. He was all I knew and that was the only life I had for seven years. I was strung out from pain pills and at one point took 90 pills in a 3-day period. I was so sick but was out on the streets hunting for more.

I lost everything

By 2015 I had my 2 sons and was living in a trailer. I found out I was pregnant again but decided I would put the baby up for adoption. When the time came, I couldn’t do it. I knew I loved him and I wanted to keep him, I just had this addiction. He came home with me but by March I was losing everything; my trailer, my car, and I had nowhere to go with 3 babies. It got to the point I had to call someone to take my kids until I got the help I needed. It broke my heart but I couldn’t care for them the right way. I was all alone with NOTHING.

Sin is always a pleasure

I did try 2 different rehabs but ended up dropping out of both. By June, pills weren’t enough to keep me high, so a friend introduced me to this thing called ICE. At first, it was fun, amazing, and I loved it. It made me feel on top of the world. Sin is always a pleasure at first. By September I was living in and out of hotels with one bag of clothes. I was always on the run and started to hate my life but still wasn’t ready to stop. I moved in with friends in Louisiana and I met that demon they call meth.

Within months, anything left of who I was, was completely gone. I ended up losing my mind and became this empty girl that would sell her soul for the next high. If I had to steal, I would. All that mattered was that next high. I started to lose weight, was in and out of jails, hearing voices, and even hallucinating.

Tired of running

I was standing in a demonic realm and wanted to die. I was scared and tired of being on the run. I had lost all my friends and felt completely isolated. It felt like I was sitting in hell with Satan. I was in bondage and was on my way to death. I was in a war with Satan and he didn’t want to let me go.

By August of 2016, I was homeless again, in and out of shelters, and an avid IV drug user. I wasn’t addicted to meth, I was addicted to anything I could get into my system. On October 11, 2016, I stood in a rehab called Home of Grace with nothing but the clothes I had on.

I gave my life to God

I remember feeling at peace and knew I was going to be okay. I gave my life to God that night and He forever changed me. I didn’t just say a prayer, I was on my knees every night crying to God. I found myself reading the Bible and the more I read, the more I wanted to know about God and who He was. The more I prayed, the freer I became. I was falling in love with Jesus. I laid my life down and surrendered everything I had to God, I realized I wasn’t dying, I was being set free. I was living in a peace that I had never known.

God saved my life

I am forever grateful for the HoG because they taught me everything I know. God saved my life and the HOG changed it. God set me free and I have never looked back. I am 22 months clean and sober. I found out I had Hepatitis C, strand A when I was in HOG but God reached down and touched me. By March 2017 I tested completely negative with no trace of it. I never had treatments and the Dr. said it was unbelievable and they didn’t know how that happened. But I knew God healed me.

My life isn’t perfect, but it’s been an amazing journey of recovery. My life was in shambles and I have seen God putting all my pieces back together. It doesn’t happen all at once but little by little I am healing. God has come through for me time and time again. He is the reason I am no longer in bondage to drugs and I now have that normal life I always wanted. God restored all my relationships back with my family he has never left me. I am 22 months clean and I am now a phlebotomist.

Never lose hope because God is real, and He is there.

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the devil made me do it